INTERNAL DOCUMENT — CREW ONLY
Starlight Sugar Station — Official Crew Guidelines
Revision 47.3 | Last Updated: Cycle 12, Year 92
If you're reading this, congratulations — you've been deemed trustworthy enough to join the Starlight Sugar Station family. Luna doesn't hire just anyone, and she definitely doesn't hire people who can't keep secrets.
This manual contains everything you need to know about working here. Read it carefully. Memorize what matters. And whatever you do, do not leave it where customers can find it.
— The Management
Treat everyone who enters as if they've traveled light-years to see us. Because many of them have. Learn their names. Remember their orders. Care about their stories.
We don't serve anything we wouldn't eat ourselves. If a batch isn't right, we make it again. If a crystal doesn't sing, we don't use it. Our reputation travels at the speed of gossip.
Life support, gravity, atmosphere — these systems keep us alive. Know where the emergency exits are. Know how to sound an alarm. And never, ever joke about hull breaches.
This rock has been home for 92 years. Treat it that way. Clean up after yourself. Report damage immediately. And if you hear the asteroid "humming," tell Raxel — it means something needs adjusting.
(Now written, by popular demand)
Rule 2.1
Never ask Grath about "the two incidents." He'll tell you when he's ready. (He will never be ready.)
Rule 2.2
The espresso machine has opinions. Respect them. If it's being difficult, ask Vox-9 to talk to it.
Rule 2.3
Luna's "I'm fine, just thinking" face means she's solved a problem you didn't know existed. Don't interrupt.
Rule 2.4
If Pippa is floating upside-down, she's working. It's intentional. Don't mention it.
Rule 2.5
Raxel's "small experiments" have been responsible for three new menu items and one minor dimensional rift. Support the process.
Rule 2.6
Vox-9's jokes are mandatory to laugh at. It's in your contract. Check page 47.
Rule 2.7
The crystals in the lower caves glow brighter when spoken to kindly. This is not a metaphor.
Rule 2.8
If a customer asks about "the secret menu," make eye contact with Luna. She'll nod or shake her head. Trust the nod.
Secure all beverages. Guide customers to handholds. Notify Raxel immediately. Do not panic — customers can see you.
Note: "Gravity fluctuations" during service should be described as "atmospheric shimmer." It sounds nicer.
Evacuate affected section. Seal bulkheads. Notify Grath. He will handle it. Do not ask how.
Follow posted evacuation routes. Assist customers with suits. If Vox-9 starts playing "Don't Stop Believin'," the situation is serious.
Remain calm. Offer free refill. If situation escalates, make eye contact with Grath. He'll materialize.
Note: We have never had a "serious" incident in 67 years. Grath's presence is sufficient deterrent.
The Station occasionally experiences "unexplained" events. Flickering lights. Strange sounds. Sugar crystals that glow without input. Document and report to Luna. Do not post on social media.
The following are classified and must never be disclosed to non-crew members:
Violation of confidentiality will result in a serious conversation with Luna, which is somehow worse than termination.
This manual will make more sense after your first week. By your first month, you'll understand why we do things the way we do. By your first year, you won't be able to imagine working anywhere else.
"Everyone deserves one place in the universe where they're known by name. For you, this is that place now."
— Luna Virelli, Founder
⚠️ This document is for authorized crew only.
If you found this by accident, please pretend you didn't.